When I was 15, I recounted at length the time I threw up at a Taylor Swift concert for an assignment in my creative writing class. The assignment was to write a detailed narration of an event. Thankfully, that past summer I got to see Taylor Swift perform live in Washington D.C. at the Nationals Park for her 1989 tour. Due to a series of chaotic events involving crowded metro cars, missing wallets, and an inevitably-over stimulating environment, I puked to the acoustic melodies of Vance Joy performing “Riptide” while toilets flushed and teenage girls chattered around me, the noise reverberating like ringing bells while I kneeled on the concrete floor of the bathroom stall. The experience was pretty memorable, especially since it was also the second time I threw up at a Taylor Swift concert (Red Tour, 2013)*. Granted, I’ve only been to two of her concerts, but still.
Last month at the RE:set concert series, I got to experience Lucy Dacus perform live for the third time, Julian Baker for the second, and Phoebe Bridgers for the first. I have been familiar with the trio since 2017 after developing a deep love for Phoebe Bridgers’ album Stranger in the Alps* and thus, her entire discography. Now, I've never puked during one of these boys performances, but they are the most cherished concert experiences of my life. The concerts themselves are impossible for me to write a well analyzed review about and I don’t really care to try. So how about this?
I drove to Maryland alone, screamed alone, cried alone, took hits from my pen in the bathroom alone and it was revitalizing, it was liberating, it made me feel 16 and in love in the most painful way possible. When the show ended, I walked around the venue aimlessly in the dark. I decided to wait out the crowd so the Uber back to my hotel was cheaper and found a bench to sit on in the middle of a corporate park: brightly lit, concrete, and angular. After sitting there for a while, watching the Uber rates drop very slowly, I decided to walk to a nearby neighborhood. From there I got picked up by a man named Nowshad who, very kindly told me that he believed I would succeed if I focused on my art, despite choosing “the life of struggle,” as he put it. He asked me why I went to the concert alone. I told him how I had bought a ticket a bit more pricey than I normally would because of how deeply important this band was to me. However, I couldn't ask my friends to do the same and frankly, I liked being there alone. He smiled, “Well that's because you're an artist. You love art.”
He dropped me off, and we wished each other a good night. I stayed up for longer just to listen to the record one more time. By the time I finished it was almost 2 am. On the road home the next day I listened to it again, replaying the show in my mind, still riding the high. I wonder if I will be able to experience all again.
*I was 13 and it was my first concert. I had made my own t-shirt to wear with every song name written on it in fabric markers and glitter glue. I think it was a combination of being overwhelmed and food poisoning. Thankfully, I only missed Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran’s duet “Everything Has Changed.” I wasn’t bent up over it.
* Stranger in the Alps is an album that has left a permanent imprint on me and my whole deal. 16 year olds are very impressionable creatures.
I mostly went to RE:set to see boygenius, but I also got to see other really amazing performances from Bartees Strange, Dijon, and Clairo. Out of all of these I was most familiar with Clairo, who was amazing live. Since I already knew every song boy genius played, it was cool to walk away from the concert with new musicians to listen to.
Here’s a few favorite songs from that night, and a few tracks I’ve just really been enjoying lately.
I fell into a bit of a reading slump in the past two months, but I’m reviving the love by re-reading Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut for the fourth time. It’s another piece of media that fundamentally rewired my 16 year old brain and I read it every so often to remember something, though I don’t know what. Hopefully, I will be able to get through the other book I’m reading by the end of this month- Girls Against God by Jenny Hval. However, I’m having some big professional life changes coming this month so I’m going to try my best.
I also wanted to say thanks and welcome! to some new subscribers. Hope you like it here :) I wish everyone well and hopefully I will be able to get a few more posts out this summer! I want to adopt a more regular writing schedule, so that will definitely help.